There are some incredible stories in the world about success. Counter intuitively, the most interesting ones seem to come from stories of failure. Failure is one of our top fears. According to Jerry Seinfeld, our number one fear is public speaking. Our number two fear is death. Therefore, Seinfeld reaches the conclusion that if the average person finds themselves at a funeral, giving the eulogy would be the scarier option. But there is a third fear that I would say is pretty high on the list, and that is atychiphobia. Atychiphobia is not a fear of attics; rather it is the fear of failure. As a matter of fact, it is the persistent fear of failure, which can very well lead to a constricted lifestyle.
As with any phobia, the fear is usually irrational, having really no basis or prior experience necessarily. But with failure, there is some suggestion that fear of this issue can be overcome because of our experience with it. In other words, we may be less afraid of failure if we have failed in the past. Here are some examples:[1]
Bill Gates is one of the world’s wealthiest people, but he didn’t earn his fortune in a straight line to success. Gates entered the entrepreneurial scene with a company called Traf-O-Data, which aimed to process and analyze the data from traffic tapes. He tried to sell the idea with his business partner, but the product barely even worked. It was a complete disaster. However, the failure did not hold Gates back from exploring new opportunities, and a few years later, he created his first Microsoft product, and forged an incredible path to success.
One of the most creative geniuses of the 20th century was once fired from a newspaper because he was told he lacked creativity. Trying to persevere, Walt Disney formed his first animation company, which was called Laugh-O-Gram Films. He raised $15,000 for the film company but because of a distribution company that went belly up, he eventually was forced to close. Desperate and out of money, Disney found his way to Hollywood and faced even more criticism and failure until finally, his first few classic films skyrocketed in popularity.
Steve Jobs, I think we can agree, was an impressive entrepreneur because of his boundless innovations, but also because of his emphatic comeback from an almost irrecoverable failure. Jobs found success in his 20s when Apple became a massive empire, but when he was 30, Apple’s board of directors decided to fire him. Undaunted by the failure, Jobs founded a new company which was eventually acquired by Apple. Once back at Apple, Jobs proved his capacity for greatness by reinventing the company’s image and taking the Apple brand to new heights.
In the gospel lesson from the 21st chapter of John, the scene is at the Sea of Tiberias, or the Sea of Galilee, which is really a lake; a really big lake. Jesus appears on the beach, but the disciples didn’t know it was Jesus. The scene is a resurrection scene, the last we find in John’s gospel. It follows one failure after the next. Earlier in the gospel, the sons of Zebedee wonder who might be greatest in God’s kingdom; which we find out by Jesus’ washing of the disciples’ feet that the kingdom Jesus proclaims is one of servanthood. Simon Peter denies Jesus three times after his arrest; major failure there. Judas certainly fails at whatever he was trying to accomplish by turning Jesus in to the authorities.
In this scene of the resurrection appearance at the sea shore, Jesus reverses these “failures” by offering extravagant grace in encouraging his friends to be successful disciples. But it’s not just encouragement that we witness in this breakfast on the beach story. We are once again witnesses to the extravagant generosity offered by the risen Jesus. If the disciples let their failures and shortcomings fester, or if their fear of what the authorities did to Jesus caused them to recluse and quit, the world would be a darker place. If their fear of failure and rejection won, they just might have been gripped by atychiphobia. And this would not be good for the Jesus Movement; because the Jesus Movement is all about risk. It was then and it is now.
Persons afflicted with atychiphobia consider the possibility of failure so intense that they choose not to take any risk. Often these persons will subconsciously undermine their own efforts so that they no longer have to continue to try. Because effort is proportionate to achievement, the unwillingness to try arises from the perceived inequality between the possibilities of success and failure. This in turn holds the atychiphobic back from a life of meaning and the realization of potential. Unfortunately this reality is not limited to humans, but can very well be symptomatic in an entire organization, such as the church, where the risk of failure always looms. But good news for us, so does grace.
The scene in John’s gospel today is one of successful discipleship where images of abundance prevail. A large catch of fish, an untorn net, and a scrumptious grilled fish breakfast. “The appearance provides signs of Jesus’ identity”, Cynthia Kittredge writes, “in the huge haul of fish, the net landed untorn with one hundred and fifty three fish, and Jesus taking and giving the bread and fish to [his friends].”[2]
This story has great implications for the modern church. The landscape here is one of encouragement and grace. After the unspeakable tragedy that was the innocent death of Jesus by capital punishment, we see the early church founders back to life as usual. They are most likely riddled with fear coupled with all their hopes extinguished. This might explain Peter’s nakedness on the boat – I mean who puts clothes on and then jumps into the water? Peter’s nakedness is a symbol of his raw, vulnerable humanity after a harrowing couple of days.
Like the sighting of Jesus on the seashore, we are witnesses to the resurrected Christ still. We might need that unnamed beloved disciple to point him out to us from time to time, but Jesus is here, just as he promised. To offer us encouragement and grace to reach out to others in love and evangelize by word and deed the Good News of Jesus Christ to all those who come searching.
The disciples may have been fearful. They may have been borderline atychiphobes, but they were faithful. Like last week’s gospel where the disciples were locked in a room for fear of the Jewish authorities, they were faithful. Thomas was faithful. And as in other gospels where fishing is a metaphor for evangelizing, we find faithful Peter as the successful fisher.
How might we overcome our fears of telling others about our faith in Christ? As Episcopalians, we seem to be atychiphobic, fearing failure, loss, and rejection. But there is a way forward. The treatment of this phobia can take place in a few different ways: 1) drugs that raise our serotonin level and thus lower our anxiety – let’s not jump there; 2) psychotherapy and counseling; maybe, as with spiritual direction, therapy is good for all of us as we deal with life experiences that have shaped our perspectives; or 3) confronting situations or circumstances that are increasingly similar to the feared ones. I recommend starting here.
If we fear talking about our faith to others, then perhaps the cure is to talk about our faith with our spouse or partner, or close friend. Then we can eventually move on to our work places, social groups and beyond. If we fear being part of a group at church because we may feel judged or inadequate, attend a small group for a short time. If we fear helping in a ministry like worship ministry, or outreach ministry because we think we may not be good at it, try it once or twice and see that you’re probably better at it than others. If we fear, try…if we fear, try…if we fear, try.
Because there’s actually a fourth cure to atychiphobia: God’s grace. Let’s look to the scene on the beach once again. Gracious Jesus offers encouragement and second and third chances to the disciples who deserted Jesus at his arrest, denied him while he as at trial, locked themselves away out of fear, and failure to recognize the resurrected One time and again.
Like the other appearances in John, Jesus is not recognized at first as he stands on the shore. He calls the disciples “children”, recalling the theme throughout the gospel that those who believe will have power to become children of God. They do not recognize Jesus from his voice, as Mary did, or by his fishing instructions. Only the disciple whom Jesus loved recognizes him when he sees the many fish in the net.
The charcoal fire recalls the same in the courtyard where Peter warmed himself at his denial of Jesus. Like the seamless garment undivided by the soldiers, the untorn net is a picture of the unity of the church. In response to his denial and disobedience, Peter hauls ashore the abundance of fish in obedience to Jesus’ instructions.[3] Jesus also asks Peter three times if he loves him; reversing the thrice denial that Peter was guilty of.
And what does Jesus do in response? He hosts a breakfast. He returns to his disciples as flawed as they are, reverses their shortcomings, affirms that they are children of God, and serves them.
Do you not know that this is your story too? You who are out on the waters each day? Do you believe that you are alone, unacceptable, inadequate, flawed and unworthy? Today, Jesus reaches out to you and offers himself. The grace of the Resurrected One that we find in this very gathering, in the breaking of the bread and our shared meal, forgives you; reverses your shortcomings and failures, that you may have power to become children of God and successful fishers.
[2] Conversations with Scripture: The Gospel of John. 2007. Cynthia Kittredge.
[3] Conversations with Scripture: The Gospel of John. 2007. Cynthia Kittredge.